A lot on my mind....

I have a lot on my mind tonight, and the more I think about it the more I realize I need to journal, get some of it out and on paper, or in this case on screen. Either way my brain is over full and I need to purge some of my mental stigma before I lose it again.

Lets start somewhere....

Nich. It seems basic, I broke up with him because of the way things had become, it wasn't all his fault, it wasn't all my fault....It just wasn't working. I wasn't happy. BUT...here comes the kicker. I MISS HIM! Like crazy, to the point of tears at times..miss him. 10 days...it's been TEN LONG HARD DAYS! I made a choice and I am trying my damnedest to stick to it. Come hell or high water (it is raining like crazy) I am going to make it past this and be a better person for it. I have nightmares because of him, and things he's said. I have to remember that there is a reason I didn't want to be with him. There were good times, but I can't think about those right now, maybe later, maybe eventually, but while I'm "getting over" him I need to focus on the things I didn't like, the things that hurt me. Speaking of getting over someone, I don't think you ever really get over someone, I think you just learn to live with the choices you made while with them.


Seems like things in my life should have leveled out. But they aren't. Alicia seems to have lost her damn mind. She's all ga ga over some guy she's only known two weeks. I dunno. I don't get it. But I do know I'm tired of trying to convince her to wait. I'm just tired.

I haven't been sleeping at night. I wake up three or four times, and not that wake up and go back to sleep wake up. That wake up for an hour or more wake up. Who knows, I sure don't.

Owen is doing great. Learning, growing, just being a good kid. I feel like he's mine. It's weird in my mind. It doesn't always make sense.

Diet? What diet? You mean peeps, beef jerky, and donuts aren't a good diet?

I've recently started a new hobby/ search for friends. I wrote a letter to someone in a prison. I thought a pen pal might be a good way to find myself. Find out who I really am and what I really like. Rejection isn't even something I've thought about. I'm just glad I'm doing the things I want without worrying about who is going to judge me....

So in conclusion for now...I feel better....finally....